EMU

Not too long ago I came across a small bottle of oil with the name "Emu Oil". I found this interesting stuff in my bathroom. Someone must have left it there when I threw a birthday party for my friend over summer.  When I found the bottle, I immediately googled "Emu Oil". I soon learned that this is in fact (in layman's terms), bird fat. The oil was apparently discovered by the Australian aborigines, and it was used to cure wounds, and scars, and any other kinds of problems aborigines might be faced with. I'm assuming they ate the meat of the bird, and then instead of wasting the fat, they thought to themselves, "let's just rub this stuff all over us and see what happens", then just like that, all their wounds and scars from catching the bird in the first place, just disappeared. I swear there's a cure for everything in nature. If there really is a God, he does work in mysterious ways.  I mean you have to be fucking batshit crazy-inventive to hide the secret to healing in the carcass fat of a big ass ugly BIRD.

Now, I've always had some kind of strange psoriasis type of dry patch of skin on my right thumb and elbows. For at least a year, I couldn't seem to get rid of the extremely dry and cracked skin on a part of my thumb. It bothered me because at times it would bleed! I once tried a steroidal cream on my thumb, and it worked, but only for about a week. I tried the Emu oil on my thumb, and after a few days, it disappeared! Not my thumb stupid! My dry patch of skin! The Emu oil worked! now my thumb is completely smooth, the skin has grown back like normal. It's amazing what crap doctors will give you nowadays, just to keep you returning, and your pockets empty! Emu oil is CHEAP, natural, and it WORKS! This stuff is MAGIC! I've just used it on my dry-blood-cracked elbows, and 3 days later...SMOOTH, soft, normal elbows! BUY this stuff people! Everybody has a piece of dry and gross skin somewhere on their body! I'm going to start using this bird fat all over my face, I heard it's anti-wrinkle. 

New Rule: Obviously if you're a vegetarian or vegan then you won't be buying this stuff. You will suffer with your dry-cracked skin. Just like you suffer with your blistered toes when you choose to go sock-less in your man-made "vegan" shoes.